Lucy in the Wardrobe
by story2tell
Summary: Lucy Pond has always been timid and shy and convinced that she wasn't meant to be a Gryffindor; besides, she was good at being alone and didn't need anyone. But suddenly, Lucy is faced with new friends, a blossoming romance, staggering betrayals, Dark Arts supporters, and the realization that being alone is a terrible thing to be. It's time for Lucy to come out of that wardrobe.
1. Chapter 1

**I have been plagued by this story for a long time and it's time to bring it out to the day light. Not something I usually write but my muse was very insistent. Pairings include light Remus/0C, James/Lily, Sirius/many. Warnings include Sirius' dirty mouth, mentions of self-harm, and a bit of angst here and there. This may become a M story due to Sirius not knowing how to keep his language clean. I really hope you like it. **

**I offer many thanks to my beta, Marla1, who is very nice, helpful, and encouraging. **

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"_One must learn to love, and go through a good deal of suffering to get to it... and the journey is always towards the other soul.__"_

I loved the rain. I loved the sound of it on a lonely night, the fresh and clean smell of wet earth, and the feel of it on my skin; especially the feel of it, whether it'd be a gentle mist or a full out down pour. There was something, perhaps, ceremonial or just maybe cleansing about standing in the rain. Maybe I was dramatic or read too many books but I always thought that there was something romantic about a summer shower.

Maybe I was just weird.

The night after the welcome feast went too quickly and with the dawning of a new day came the pearl gray of a rainy morning. Droplets of water created random patterns on the window pane that I followed with my tired eyes. I stood at my dormitory's window as I braided my hair and did the finishing touches on my Gryffindor uniform. It was a solemn beginning to my fifth year at Hogwarts but welcome none the least.

As I said before, I loved the rain.

I had no expectations for this year and I figured it would be the same as last year. And the year before. And the year before. I was well practiced in the art of being a wall flower and I intended to stay the way. I was used to solitude and considered it my ally. So much for my inner Gryffindor.

Maybe I was just a Hufflepuff in Lion's clothing. There'd be no surprise there.

The sounds of the other girls rousing and getting ready for a new day made me halt my silent musings and turn from the window, grab my bag off my bed, and head down to breakfast. The Great Hall was still quiet and only a few early risers sitting here and there. There was a sleepy air about the cavernous room and I could have sworn I saw a Slytherin drowning in his oatmeal but, figuring he would survive, I dropped onto an empty bench at the Gryffindor table and helped myself to some eggs and bacon and a cup of orange juice. I pulled out my sixth year potion's text and flipped to the first chapter in preparation for my first class.

I was, in no way, someone proficient in her studies. I may have the tendencies of a cowardice Puff-ball but my chances of reaching the bar of a Ravenclaw were slim to none. But reading a monotonous Potion's book that was written back in the times before Merlin was better than attempting to avoid conversations that would no doubt lead to something awkward and embarrassing on my behalf as I ate. Munching bacon and sipping orange juice in silence with a potion's text in my lap, I didn't notice someone slide in across from me until he spoke.

"Good book, eh?"

I looked up, startled, sucking the spilt juice from off my finger and staring at my sudden breakfast companion.

Remus Lupin, with his stupid sandy-colored hair and crooked smile, sat across from me with a small smile on his lips. I looked around quickly for the rest of his group that he usually tailed around with but he was alone. Remus Lupin was a part of a four boy group who called themselves the "Marauders"; popular and known pranksters. It was a bit disconcerting to see him here, sitting with a loner like me. A stab of anxiety made me wonder if I was about to be part of an elaborate and humiliating prank. I had never been a target of theirs before and I wasn't ready to be one now.

Lupin must have seen the scared look on my face because he gave a short, embarrassed laugh. "No worries—it's just me. I tend to be an early riser sometimes—my friends are still sleeping."

I stared at him, the bacon I had been chewing in my mouth was now a tasteless lump of sawdust and I forced myself to swallow, my face flushing so bright a red I must have been on the verge of blinding him.

"Soo…" he fidgeted with his sleeves before helping himself to a piece of toast, his eyesight apparently fine. "Pond, right?"

I nodded faintly, my hands clenching the book under the table until it hurt and the hard-back bind began to bend.

"And I'm sure you know my name," he said though not in an arrogant way but in something akin to embarrassment. Why would he be embarrassed about that? Huh. Maybe the flock of girls that followed his group didn't give him enough time for his daily manicures.

Lupin munched his toast, his amber eyes watching me curiously.

I swallowed once, twice before holding up the book I had been reading. "Potions," I said with an awkward laugh. "Just-just Potions. Nothing interesting."

Lupin nodded in understanding, his face sympathetic. "That's your first class, right? At least you don't have to participate in the Slug Club."

I looked down at my plate, knowing I wouldn't be eating the rest of it now that this popular boy was sitting across from me. No boys, especially the popular ones, ever tried to make a conversation with me. I felt awkward and lost and unsure of what to do even though all I wanted was to stand up and walk away. Shine, inner Hufflepuff! Shine!

"I sat two seats behind you last year, you're hard to miss with that hair…" he trailed off, his face suddenly beet red. "Sorry, I meant that with no offense, it's just that—well—" he coughed and ran a hand through his hair, causing it stick up haphazardly.

I too was red at this point and beyond mortified. I looked down at the unimaginative braid that hung over my shoulder, my hand automatically rising to touch it. Sure my hair wasn't gorgeous like Evans' red locks or McKinnon's midnight curls but I never thought it was that bad. The strands were so pale they were practically white. Having white hair amidst a sea of brown, red, black, and blond, it was hard to be unnoticed. But no one had ever actually pointed out how much I stuck out like a sore thumb. Until Lupin decided to rain on my parade.

And I was supposed to like rain.

I looked up to attempt a glare at the Marauder but saw that he wasn't looking at my hair but staring at my arm where the sleeve had sagged to reveal bare skin.

Damn my stick arms.

I immediately dropped my hand, my face now felt cold as it drained of color. "Is there a reason you're talking to me?" I asked angrily, my lip quivering. I was surprised at my brashness. It usually took more than this to make me lose my temper.

Lupin looked me, his face confused as though he was unsure of what he saw and of what to say. "I just saw you alone—so—well—"

"Remus!" a voice from across the hall called out and we both looked up to see the rest of Lupin's boy band waving for him. Something akin to relief flooded me and if I had been alone I probably would have slid off my seat to lay on the floor for some down time.

He stood quickly, oblivious to my inner struggle, grabbing his bag and adjusting the strap over his shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said with a half-shrug. "See you in class?"

I said nothing. I dropped my gaze and stared at the table, my eyes burning. I heard him hesitating but when those hideous boys began to cat call and whistle at him, he hurried away without even a glance over his shoulder.

During Potions, I swore that I could feel Lupin's eyes burning into the back of my skull. I feared I would burst into flames at any moment and hoped someone would lend an _auguamenti_ in my aid. What was with this guy? This was not the anonymous start of the year that I hopped for. I was glad though, that today was only a day for notes and not actual potion making for I knew I would have probably ended up blowing up my cauldron and maybe even my face. When the bell tolled, announcing the end of the hour, I had already packed up my bag and was weaving my way between the desks and students and headed for my next class. To my relief, Lupin didn't bother trying to talk with me and I figured he had decided to forget our brief meeting and go about his marauding business with his stupid and annoying friends.

The rest of the day went by relatively normal, though I was plagued with an annoying headache. I skipped lunch but dared to show my face at dinner because I didn't want to spend the night with an aching stomach. No one bothered me, thank god, but as I had finished eating and was heading out, I glanced back at the Gryffindor table and noticed Lupin watching me leave. Sirius Black nudged him, breaking Lupin's eye contact and both sixteen-year-old boys laughed about something.

I quickened my step.

I reached the sixth year girl's dormitory out of breath and wondering why they had to make Hogwarts so bloody big. Throwing my bag on the bed and kicking off my shoes, I headed for the showers with a towel and my shampoo.

The hot water was heaven as it beat upon my back. It soothed my aching muscles and relaxed the jumble of thoughts bouncing like ping-pongs around in my head. I stood there for what seemed like forever, staring at the rivulets the water made as it hit the floor of the cold marble and drained through the grates.

It had been a while since someone had taken the time to sit down and attempt a civil conversation with me. It's not like I was singled out or bullied but I suppose my reserved nature and ability to avoid and blend in kept people from approaching me for more than a spare quill or piece of parchment. While other people pined for popularity or a relationship, I spent my school days perfecting my gift of being a wall-flower. The only person I ever held a semi normal conversation with was an awkwardly tall Slytherin of whose name I continuously messed up. We would meet in the library every so often and do our homework together though our 'conversations' never consisted of more than a couple sentences at a time, but other than the sallow faced Slytherin, I had no one else.

When my fingers began to look like prunes, I soaped up a cloth and ran it quickly over my body pausing only to study my arms. A wash of shame came over me and I quickly covered them up with suds and rinsed off.

I shut off the spout of steaming water and brushed aside the plastic curtain, snatching the white towel from the hook. Beside from being clean, the shower had relatively done me no good. I still felt achy and feeble and I longed to lie down, letting the surreal hands of unconsciousness get their grip and drag me down into a pool of utter oblivion .I stood with my face buried in the towel, letting the moisture drip from my body and pool on the tiles. I could feel my head pounding with each beat of my heart, it throbbed and pulsed with burning pain.

"I thought a shower was supposed to help you," I groaned to myself, pulling the towel away from my face and wrapping it around my body. The air was steamy and thick from my hot shower. I slipped on a pair of rubber sandals and I turned, taking a long look at myself in the mirror.

"What if I were beautiful like Evans and Mckinnon?" I whispered to my reflection. "Would life be easier? Would someone like Remus be interested in me?" I grabbed a handful of my ash-white hair and pulled it back from my face. I turned to the left and studied my profile.

Facing the mirror again, I smiled and watched my slight dimple appear. My clear grayish-green eyes stared back, scanning each feature. Nose, chin, eyebrows, cheeks. All normal, I decided, maybe even boring. A few too many freckles across my nose and cheeks, perhaps, and that embarrassing bit of a gap between my front teeth. But then, there were always my lips—my nice lips. I made a kissy face in the mirror and wondered if I were a little old to be doing this kind of self-image seeking. Didn't most girls do this when they were twelve?

At twelve, I was too busy dealing with my dead mother and avoiding my father to stop and look in the mirror. At fourteen, I was still turning cartwheels in the yard and painting silly portraits in my room.

Now at fifteen, for the first time, I realized I was almost grown up. Three years left at Hogwarts, and I would be an official adult looking for a career. I let out a huge sigh. I didn't really feel like crying, but it would be nice to somehow expend these overwhelming emotions. Another long stare in the mirror brought a reflection of Remus to my mind. It must have been the hair. Thinking of him mentioning my unique hair made me flush even in privacy. Why should I care what he thought, though?

With a tug at the zipper of my toiletries bag, I pulled out my toothbrush, loaded it with toothpaste, and went to work scrubbing my teeth with all the vigor my emotions brought out.

Remus will never be interested in someone like me. And why would I be interested in someone like him? Somebody arrogant and who hung out with the 'it' crowd.

The foaming toothpaste began to drip from the side of my mouth. I made a funny face like a raging monster before spitting it out.

My father was right. I do read too much into things.

I rinsed my mouth and took a close look at my gleaming smile.

It wasn't a good idea, either, to get close to anyone at this point.

I grimaced fiercely at my reflection in the mirror. I gazed into my eyes, which had turned the shade of a silent winter morning. In that instant I remembered everything about Remus from this morning. His crooked smile, his searching amber eyes, and the way he smelled like the woods at night. And the way he spoke to me so openly.

Once more, I felt the sudden urge to cry. Why couldn't I be prettier? Maybe my lips were nice and possibly the only redeemable quality about me but who would ever want to kiss them? Remus Lupin?

I shook my head at that thought, wondering why I thought that. Remus Lupin would never be interested in someone like me, especially when he had a whole herd of girls that idolized Potter and Black to pick from.

I jumped when the door opened, whirling away from the mirror, embarrassed to be caught staring at myself and Evans stepped in carrying her own towel and shower caddy. She seemed surprised to see me and I clutched my arms to my chest, my long hair still dripping.

"You ok?" she asked hesitantly, pulling her blue bath robe tighter around her ridiculously perfect, slender body.

"Yeah, just tired." I answered after a beat, holding on even tighter to my towel.

"First day back to class always hit me hard, too," she said as she swept her red hair into a messy bun on top her head. Her bright green eyes seemed open and honest. Why was she suddenly talking to me after all these years we had spent in mutual silence? She had never really bothered to say _anything_ in passing to me and I hadn't really cared either way.

And yet here was Lily Evans with her pretty green eyes and unique red hair striking up a conversation with little old me with the boring pale eyes, hair nearly as white as fresh snow and too many cinnamon freckles to count, I was just a shadow next to this beautiful girl who always had the popular boys crawling at her feet—namely one arrogant James Potter. I couldn't help but wonder if I was the butt of a joke. Two popular people in one days? Something had to be up.

We stood in silence for several moments before she spoke again. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow in class?"

I nodded and gathered up my things as she pulled off her bathrobe and started a shower. I averted my eyes from her nakedness, feeling embarrassed by her obvious comfortableness with her own body and envious of her inhibitions.

God, I wished I looked like that. Despite the off-beat day I had, I fell asleep rather quickly to the sound of Marlene McKinnon humming to herself and Alice Fortescue scratching away with a quill and parchment.

I dreamed.

_A woman, her long locks of auburn hair cascading down her back, sat at a piano bench. She was wearing a white, simple dress with a blue ribbon tied around the waist, but it made her beautiful-a simplistic beauty that not many women could master. Her fingers moved along the keys in a poetic dance, creating a light, soothing melody that hung in the air like sparkling stardust. Beneath her, a careworn dog curled up under the bench, its liquid brown eyes large and happy. The windowsill was overflowing with flowers-white, pink, and red-they spilled over the wood frame and sprinkled the floor with petals, like silky pieces of confetti. The golden beams of light shone from the open window, enveloping the room with its warm hug. It gave the woman at the piano a glowing halo, warming her hair till it looked like soothing fire._

_I reached out to touch it, to feel the velvet hair but my hand fell through air and I realized that I was suddenly alone. The sun had disappeared and the flowers had wilted. The woman was gone and the piano stood solitary, dented and scraped, as the dream faded to darkness. _

I jerked awake. The dormitory was flooded with the pink of a sunrise and the rest of the girls were already up and about, talking amongst their selves and getting ready for the new day.

I sat up quickly, surprised that I had slept in so late, and threw my hair up into a loose pony tail, knowing I was going to miss breakfast. The rest of the day continued at a rushed pace; Lupin didn't even cross my mind, not that he mattered at all. Several times, though, Lily Evans said hi in passing or waved at me across the Great Hall.

What the—?

And so the week went in tedious monotony, except for one part where my bag split and my books spilled on the floor. Cursing, I hurried to gather up my things when none other than Sirius Black stopped to pick up a stray book that had skidded across the hall. He waited until I had magically mended my bag, scooped up my junk and stood before handing over the book with an arrogant smirk as though he knew something I didn't.

I slowly took the book back with a muttered 'thanks' but he was already walking away with smooth strides. I watched him go until someone slammed into my shoulder and a Ravenclaw girl with cascading blonde curls stood in front of me.

"You've got no chance." She said snidely before prancing away like a prissy fairy, leaving me standing alone in bewilderment.

Bloody hell.

After that, I steered clear of the marauders and spent Thursday and Friday in the shadows. After last period on Friday, I went straight up to my dormitory and collapsed, fully dressed on my bed. Lily Evans, who was sitting on her bed reading, shut her book and looked over at me.

"Hard week?" she asked.

I grunted in response.

"You know," she began slowly. "Me, Marlene, and Clover are going to hang out by the lake tomorrow if you'd like to join us." I didn't give an answer, given to the fact that I was in shock at the offer. What the hell was going on? When had Lily _ever _wanted to hang out?

She sighed. "You know, it can't be any fun to not have friends to hang out with." She said with a snippy undertone.

I sat up and closed my bed curtains, effectively shutting Evans out.

_'Leave me alone. I'm good at being_ alone' was the last thought that crossed my mind as I fell asleep.

That cloudy Saturday afternoon, on my ritual walk I did every weekend while at Hogwarts, I ventured close to the lake and sure enough, Lily and her friends were sitting in the grass, laughing and talking and sharing sweets. I wanted to walk up to them but my inner Hufflepuff reigned me in and I walked the opposite direction.

"Going for walk, Pond?" A voice called out to me.

Startled, I turned and saw Lupin walking towards me, hands in his pockets, wearing a navy blue hoodie and looking windswept.

"It's good exercise," I answered back in a shy voice, fidgeting with my hair as he neared.

He gave me a once over and said: "Not that you need it. Maybe you should take this time for an extra meal or two."

My shyness instantly dissolved and I gave him a disgusted look, "Do you feel it your duty to insult some part of my looks every time we meet?" without waiting for answer, I turned away and started marching back up to the castle.

"Hey, Pond, wait!" I heard him jogging to catch up with me. He grabbed my elbow but I yanked away, crossing my arms as I looked up at his annoying face. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just…ugh…" he shook out his hands as though he was nervous. "I don't even know why I said that."

I stared at him, trying to figure this boy out and what exactly he wanted from me. Sure he was cute but I was _me_, so it had to be something else entirely. After several moments of staring, I finally said: "It's ok."

Lupin reached out his hand and for one terrifying moment, I thought he was going to touch my face in some sort of romantic gesture or something but instead, he picked a leaf out of my hair and let it drop from his fingers.

"Um, thanks," I mumbled, my face a flaming red.

He opened his mouth to speak, no doubt something else to embarrass me but the clouds above us suddenly split and rain poured. We both looked up, me blinking rapidly at the sudden onslaught.

"Merlin," Lupin muttered and before I could ask what the hell he was doing, he pulled off his hoodie and held it out to me. "Here."

I didn't move. "I'm fine."

The rain picked up and the sound of it grew to a dull roar.

"Take it," he insisted loudly, blinking fast as the water ran into his eyes and clung to his lashes. "It's still a bit of a walk to get to the castle."

"I like the rain," I insisted, squinting and taking a couple steps back.

"Yeah, well, unless you like pneumonia too, I suggest you put this on."

When I realized he wasn't going to budge and I slipped on his jumper and pulled the hood up over my head. It was still warm from his body heat and it smelled like the woods and musky men's body soap. "What about you?" I asked as we headed for the castle, staring at his thin henley.

"I'm fine," he answered, speaking above the rain. "You wanna run?"

I nodded in agreement and together we sprinted up towards the school, joining the throng of students who were already running for shelter.

Once inside the doors, Lupin turned to me, breathless, his bottom lip quivering from the chill of the castle air. "You sure are faster than you look."

We walked slowly now, side by side, so close that our fingers kept brushing together until I stuffed my hands in the front pocket, my insides squirming.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked suddenly after mustering up the guts to say anything at all. "You've never bothered to talk to me before." I couldn't keep the accusation out of the voice, and when I glanced at him from the corner of my arm, I saw him rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Honestly," he began hesitantly. "I dunno."

Well, that cleared things up. Thank you, Remus Lupin. Just…thank you.

He must have gauged from my silence that his answer was somewhat lacking. "I'm sorry, it's just, I saw you sitting there at the table, we've never been introduced before and there was no one else to sit with." No one else to sit with? Was he serious or had I momentarily gone deaf and I missed the other half of his answer?

He looked down at his watch and sighed. "Look, I gotta go. I'm sorry. See you?" Without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked away in the opposite direction so abruptly that I almost received whiplash.

He didn't even ask for his hoodie back.

The next day, I stayed in the common room all day, only emerging for meals. I was confused and tired and unsure what I should do with all that was happening. I hid Lupin's hoodie in my wardrobe and made myself forget about our weird conversation. When the next week of classes rolled around, I kept my head down lest Lupin tried to make eye contact. I even turned around and walked the long way to Charms when I saw Evans approach me. I continued this practice into Wednesday where I found myself in a corner of the library, where I sat playing with my braid and doodling on some parchment. My Charms book lay untouched and the essay I began lay unfinished. I couldn't focus. It was the second week of my school year and things were already hectic. To escape the chaos, I retreated to the library, which had become a sanctuary for since these past several years, with its solitude and books. I loved to read.

But I wasn't doing any reading at the moment. There were too many thoughts chasing each other inside my head; mainly thoughts about Lupin and some about Evans' attempt at friendship. But what worried me most was the look on Remus Lupin's face when he saw my naked arm last Monday at breakfast. Would he approach me about what he had seen? Would he tell others? Too many questions and no answers and I was getting antsy. Nothing had happened yet and Lupin didn't mention that day in the rain. Maybe I was just working myself up. Maybe he didn't even see anything and I was making mountains out of mole hills.

I realized that I did have a tendency to draw things out and pick apart every detail until it was not the idea but me who was in pieces. Though maybe I had reasons to be the way I am. Life for me had never really been a walk in the park.

My mum was a witch and my father was a muggle. My mother died a few years back, which sent certain events into sending me to Hogwarts late into my second year. My relationship with my father had been less than stellar.

I dreaded returning to him each summer but had no other choice, no other family. Well, I did once have an older brother but Adrien took off the moment he graduated private school. My brother and I had never been close. He didn't inherit my mother's magical abilities and I guess he just felt too distanced from me.

I never knew where Adrien was, when, or if I'd ever hear from him. He didn't make it to mum's funeral because he was backpacking through Europe. The day I left for Second Year at Hogwarts, he showed up on our doorstep on his way to Indi, where he said he planned to live on an ashram and study with some guru or something. Since then, I had a couple postcards, but that was all. In my journal, I have the most recent picture of him—long-haired, flashing me the peace sign from a commune in Colorado, USA….from two years ago.

My brother definitely marched to the beat of his own drummer. And me?

I was too beat to march.

I sighed and ran a hand up my arm, feeling the raised ridges beneath my fingertips and wishing things were different. I pulled my sweater sleeve back down and yanked the hair tie from my braid, letting my hair go free, and then regretted it as my hair fell messily over my eyes. Great, I've always wanted to look homeless. Sighing and quickly running my fingers through my hair to get rid of the knots, I re-braided it, wishing I was more inventive with my style.

"All right, Pond?" Startled, I jolted, spilling my ink across my parchment. "Merlin's pants," I muttered, my heart suddenly running away from me. I pressed a hand to my chest in an attempt to hold it in place.

Remus Lupin pulled out his wand, looking sheepish. "Here, let me help you." He began to siphon the ink back into the bottle and I watched with flaming cheeks. "I didn't mean to startle you."

I shrugged, biting my lip, that squirmy feeling returning to the pit of my stomach.

Lupin set his bag on the floor and took a seat across from me. "Fancy seeing you here, eh?" he said with a grin as if we were best buds or something.

I wasn't impressed.

"What do you want?" I asked roughly, giving him the most intimidating look possible as I stuffed the parchment I had been doodling on into my bag.

Obviously it wasn't intimidating enough. He gave me a half smile, pulling out his own books and a quill. "Mind if I study with you?"

I swallowed and shook my head, pulling my open Charms book closer to me.

We sat for ten minutes in silence as he wrote out his essay and I stared at my charms book with unseeing eyes. These silent ten minutes seemed like an eternity though. Why does he keep approaching me? Why was he sitting with me? Was there some sort of ulterior motive? A bet? Curiosity? I hated this tension curdling in my stomach; I brushed my bangs back from my eyes and sighed deeply, digging my nails into the hard wood grain of the table.

"Pond," Lupin said suddenly, scooting his chair a bit to the right so we were face to face. "We've had two full conversations and I still don't know your first name…?" I had to swallow several times before I croaked out, "Lucy." It's not like we've been in the same House for the past four and half years. I dug my nails deeper into the wood, feeling the needling pain in the tips of my fingers and using that pain to anchor myself down.

"Gone to Narnia recently?" he asked with a goofy expression.

"Huh?"

"Nothing, just a joke. I'm Remus," he responded, holding out a hand with a teasing smile on his face. I didn't take it.

"I know," I said instead in a suspicious voice. I crossed my arms defensively. A scathing remark burned at the tip of my tongue but I bit it back.

Remus dropped his hand and looked briefly uncomfortable. "I wanted to ask you…"

I froze, eyes wide, face pale.

"Do you dye your hair? I mean, it's nearly white?"

I blushed and unconsciously touched my hair. "Here we go about my appearance again. You seem particularly interested in my hair, Lupin." I accused.

"Remus," he corrected. "Just curious, I suppose. I'm really not trying to insult you or anything but I've never seen hair like yours before."

"It used to be sort of a dirt brown color," I said with a slight laugh, flipping by braid back over my shoulder. Remus cocked his head, eyebrows raised. "So, you _do_ dye your hair."

I shook my head hurriedly. "No…it's…well…I got caught in the backfire of a wand explosion when I was nine. It messed up my pigment—that's what the healers said, at least. That's why I'm so pale and my hair 'nearly white'." My face went red again and I looked down, feeling self-conscious. Why, oh why does my blood betray me like this?! I hated blushing!

"I'm sorry," Remus said with a frown. "I shouldn't have brought it up…"

I shrugged. "S'ok. It's just you're the first person to ever ask. It's weird."

Remus gave a sympathetic look and bent back over his homework

We sat for another ten minutes or so in silence. I twiddled my quill as I watched him scratching out his essay. His letters were small and precise and carefully written; he doubled checked his work every couple sentences he wrote. There was not one ink spot on his parchment and I was jealous that I couldn't write that neat but at the same time glad I wasn't that anal. He felt my eyes on him and looked up. He tapped his quill on the table.

"Can I ask you another question?" he asked after several moments of his tapping.

I shrugged. "Nothing's stopped you yet."

Remus laughed as though I had just told a joke. "So, that accident you were in….how'd it happen?"

I twirled a strand of my pale hair, once again feeling suspicious of the third degree I was receiving from this popular boy. He looked so sincere though, with his amber eyes and eyelashes that would make any girl jealous and those freckles—just a smattering of them across the bridge of his nose. If I leaned in close enough I could count them. "My mum left her wand out on her dresser while she took a shower. I don't remember much but I do remember that all I wanted her wand for was to turn my ugly yellow sheets into this shade of purple I saw a girl on my street had on her bed. I waved the wand…and well…here I am." I gestured half-heartedly to myself.

Remus eyed me a bit too long before clearing his throat. He scratched his nose, his cheeks slightly pink. He ruffled his hair and leaned forward slightly. "Is…is that how you got those scars?"

I froze, my blood ran like ice. Anger and fear made me shake. How dare he be so nosy?! I made to sweep my things into my bag but Remus grabbed my arm before I could stand, his fingers carefully grazing my skin.

"What are you doing!?" I demanded in a hushed whisper. "You have no right! Let. Go!" I ripped my arm from his hand, debating on whether or not to give him a hard slap across the face before storming off with what little dignity I had left but I was too much of a coward. Where was that lion the Sorting Hat was sure I had?

"I have scars too, you know." He said softly, his voice cracking. "Of a different sort, though, but scars nonetheless."

I looked around to see if anyone was listening in on us but the library was relatively quiet save for a few studious Ravenclaws at the other end. My face was burning and my heart was pounding. I was at a loss for words.

"What do you want from me?" I hissed after several moments of us having a staring contest. "Is this some sort of sick prank you and your lackeys made up to spread rumors about me? Is that why you keep coming up to me trying to have all these conversations and being all sweet?"

Remus looked surprised at this accusation. "No, no! I haven't said a word about what I saw to any of my friends and I was just trying to be friendly…it's just…I know what it feels to be an outcast and you looked so sa—"

I gave a wild laugh and Madame Prince glared at me from behind her desk. I ignored her. "You? An outcast? Do you think I'm stupid or something? You're one of the marauders. You guys are the most popular boys at Hogwarts. You have no idea what it feels like to be an outcast!"

Remus' lips went white with some sort of suppressed emotion. "I was unaware you knew so much, Lucy Pond." His voice dropped several octaves and carried a dark undertone. It caught me off guard.

I fell back against my chair, my anger suddenly evaporated. "Do you always make it a point to stick your nose into other people's business?"

Remus shrugged, tugging at his tie to loosen it. "Not usually. I'm more of an observer."

Huh. I had always pegged Remus Lupin as the quiet follower and yes, he was quiet, but he definitely wasn't a pushover. He came across firm, open, and willing to approach a problem without fear. The epitome of a Gryffindor.

"Says the guy from the group of the biggest pranksters in school," I snipped grumpily.

Remus gave a short laugh, unaffected. "Got me there, I suppose. James and Sirius are a force to be reckoned with."

We sat in silence for several minutes before I broke it hesitantly.

"I don't do it anymore," I whispered, unwilling to meet his eyes. My mind inwardly screamed at me, berating me for opening up to a guy I've only spoke to twice before. A _marauder_ nonetheless. My secrets could be around the school in no time and I would be up on a pedestal for judgment. Just what I needed.

Remus looked at me with eyes the color of liquid amber. Ugly eyes. Hideous eyes. His face was solemn. He swallowed hard and I watched his Adam's apple bob. "May…may I see?" A spark of anxiety made my heart throb.

"Why?" I said in a voice barely a whisper. "Why would you want to see something like that?"

Remus rubbed at his face, looking like he didn't have an answer. "Let me see." He repeated.

I drew in a deep, shuddering breath. Come on, inner Gryffindor, where are you? I took another deep breath. "I don't know what you want, or what you're looking for, but you're not going to find it here. Just leave me be. Please," I stood, lip quivering, took up my bag and walked away.

"Lucy, wait!"

I turned sharply and hissed at him, "You're sick!" Then I fled.

There you are, inner lion. Took you long enough.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed! Second and third chapter are already finished but the second chapter will not be uploaded until after Christmas and after it is edited. Please read and Review! **


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, you all right?" Evans immediately asked the moment I set foot into the Gryffindor common room. It was almost as though she was waiting for me to pounce on. This irrational thought made me angrier.

She said, "I saw you and Lupin in the library and you seemed upset. You know, if the marauders are bothering you, I'll—"

"You'll what?" I interrupted snidely, my face red hot. "Scream at them so more? It might just be me, but I'm not sure if that method is working."

Evans' eyes flashed, a high flush suddenly on her freckled cheeks. She clenched her fists. "What's got your knickers into a twist, Pond? I was just trying to be nice."

"Listen, Evans, whatever you think this is; we're not friends. Nor we will ever be," man I was on a roll tonight. "We've been in the same dormitory for almost _five_ years and you've never bothered to say more than hi to me before."

"Bloody hell, Pond," Lily Evans yelled, fists clenched as her signature fiery temper took hold. "If I knew you were such a chav, I never would have even bothered to say hi to you in the first place!"

The other students in the common room were staring at us with no attempt to be discreet, drinking in this new topic for gossip. I tossed them a nasty glare before I turned on my heel and stormed up the stairs to my dorm.

Refusing to let her get to me and knowing she was anyways, I threw my bag on the bed so hard that it slid across the sheets and fell off the other side, dumping out it's contents on the floor.

"Merlin!" Newlyn exclaimed from her desk, her eyes wide as she stared. "Having trouble relaxing, Pond?"

"Bugger off," I snapped before marching off for the showers. Only after I was in the shower and sure there was no one else in the room, did I let the tears come, bubbling up from someplace deep within.

I woke up the next morning with sticky, swollen eyes and painful cramps. A ray of dull light peeked through my bed curtains nudging me into a fitful awareness and I heard the muttered voices of the girls getting ready for the day. No one had bothered to wake me. Big surprise there.

Rolling over, I stuffed my head under my pillow with an inward groan. I didn't want to face today with bratty Evans and the high and mighty Remus Lupin. I mentally debated my next actions for several moments before deciding I couldn't get through this day unscathed. I waited for the dorm to be silent and still before whooshing back my curtains, pulling on a pair of pants and a shirt before shuffling my way down to Hospital Wing.

Madame Pomfrey, Hogwart's resident nurse, made tutt-ing noises when she saw me ease my way through the door. If I was as pale as I felt, I'd have no problems getting sympathy.

"What is it, dearie?" She asked in a mother hen sort of way.

"Cramps," I muttered, clutching my belly pathetically. I hoped she would let me spend the day in bed so I could wallow in my misery instead of giving me a pain potion and sending me on my way.

My hopes weren't in vain. She gestured towards a bed after a brief moment of her waving her wand and bustled off for some pain relief. I crawled under the sheets, feeling teary and waited for her to return. There was only one other person in the Wing with me. I couldn't recognize him but it looked as though he was suffering from the after affects from some nasty jinx and was currently unconscious and oozing from sores on him arms. Gross.

After downing the nasty potion, I sank back against the pillow, waiting for it to kick in so I could sink back into dream world.

"You just rest, dearie," the nurse said with a clucking noise as she tucked the blankets in around me until I felt like a stuffed burrito. "Don't you worry about any of your classes today."

"Thanks Madame Pomfrey," I mumbled between a mouthful of blanket but she was already hurrying away towards the groans of the awakening student.

I laid there for a while, staring at the cavernous ceiling and the dancing candles floating by the walls. The flickering shadows they created reminded me of fluid dancers weaving and swaying to some unheard beat. Watching them made me sleepy again. My cramps had gone and I was comfortably warm. Curling up on my side, I burrowed deeper under the covers and slept.

Something happens to a person's imagination when she's sick. For me, the morning turned into a strange limbo between face-paced, no-time-to-think-it-through reality and wild, worst-case-scenario dreams. One of my bizarre episodes included Remus Lupin. Lily Evans was standing next to him in the library, kissing him passionately. Lupin turned into a robot and followed her up and down the aisles, carrying her books. Evans kept piling on the books until Lupin couldn't carry any more.

Then, in my dazed imagination, I arrived on the scene, riding a dragon. I steered it up and down the library rows, chasing Evans.

When I forced my eyes open and scanned the Hospital wing for familiar things, I could feel perspiration forming on my forehead. My cramps had come back in a painful way. All I wanted was a nice, hot bath.

"I have another pain potion for you, dearie, and a fever potion as well. You're just a little feverish. Do you always get this way during your monthly cycles?" Madame Pomphrey came into view, holding a goblet, her eyes concerned.

"Dunno." I murmured, feeling sleepy again.

"Drink."

I did and closed my eyes. The potion worked quickly. I fell back asleep. This time it was a deep, restorative, dreamless sleep.

When I next opened my eyes I saw that the sun was a fiery ball of orange sinking low on the horizon, wearing it's evening halo of baby's-breath clouds. My head felt full of cobwebs after such a long sleep but my heart felt a bit lighter than it had last night. Pomfrey saw me sitting up in bed and hurried over.

"You just missed dinner but I can bring you a tray if you give me a few. You look quite a bit better than you did this morning."

"I _feel_ a lot better," I agreed. After eating a meal of beef stew and pumpkin juice, I pulled my clothes back on and slunk my way back to the dormitory to catch up on some homework.

"Where were _you_ today, Pond?" Marlene McKinnon asked in a somewhat suspicious voice when I entered my dorm.

"Probably skiving," Newlyn answered in a snide voice.

I rolled my eyes and pulled out some parchment to work on my essay for Defense. I didn't give them the pleasure of me answering, knowing that Evans had probably given them the full story of my outburst last night and they were now on the offensive towards me. Whatever.

Speak of the devil, Evans walked into the dormitory just then and stuck her snooty nose in the air when she saw me. My cheeks suddenly flamed, and I leaned further over my parchment, feeling a nagging guilt but it was a small enough feeling that I was able to push it back and continued to studiously ignore my dorm mates.

"You missed a lot of work today, Pond," Evans stated in an almost haughty voice.

I drew in a deep breath, working to keep my voice even so not to show that they were bothering me. "It's a good thing it's only the second week of term, then."

"_Hmph,_" Evans replied, turning her back on me and cleaning her bag out on her bed.

I sighed and continued to work until my fingers ached from gripping my quill so tightly. As I worked, I could hear them whispering amongst themselves and I just knew it was all about me. It didn't take long before their hushed speaking became too much and I felt as if I needed to walk away from them. The sooner the better. I left my books and parchment out and slipped out of the room, feeling their eyes following me the whole way.

I entered the shower room silently. I turned on the water at the nearest sink and splashed my face two, three, four times. With each splash, my tears mingled with the chilly water and washed down the drain.

"This is stupid," I muttered to myself. "Why are you crying?" I looked at myself in the mirror above the sink. "Why do I care so much what they think all of sudden? I _like _being alone!"

I washed my face again and commanded my stupid tears to cease. I was surprised when they obeyed. Smiling at my reflection, I felt a little confidence returning. I usually didn't let my emotions overwhelm me so much and I blamed my time of the month on that.

I took a deep breath and ran a finger through the wet fringe sticking to my forehead. Feeling like I was under control, I made my way back to my dorm where the girls had already climbed into bed. Not feeling tired quite yet, having slept all day, I curled up in the deep, padded window seat by my bed. I pulled up my feet to hug my knees to my chest and stared out at window at the crescent moon glittering above the mountains with a cool blue light that told of a coming winter. Faint wisps of clouds blotted out many of the stars but a few still twinkled faintly in the great beyond. A hollow sadness had settled in my chest as I stared at the night sky, wishing things were different and not knowing how to change them. This school year wasn't turning out the way I thought it was going to. Why couldn't I just spend my days in anonymity like I really wanted to?

Or did I?

If I just wanted to be alone, why was I so bothered by Evans and Lupin and the other girls? Well, there was a difference between being ignored and being snubbed. I didn't mean to get on anyone's bad side. In the dark, in the silence, the confusing thoughts came tumbling down around me all at once. Like a mental kaleidoscope, the thoughts twirled from Lupin's questions in the Library, to Evans talking to me in the bathroom, to the brief fight, to that locked in stare of Lupin's; first at breakfast that first morning, then during the rainy day on Hogwart's grounds, then again just a few hours ago.

I thought and thought and thought until I finally felt my shoulders start to relax. Time to retreat. Enough battle for one day. I dozed.

I woke up a little while later, my back and neck stiff from falling asleep in such an awkward position. I winced when my feet touched the cold floor and hurried quietly to my bed, burrowing under the warmth of the covers and quickly falling back asleep.

_Da da da da dum, ba da da dum, ba da dadum… _I paused my fingers momentarily to look around tiredly at the ornate grandfather clock behind the Professor's desk before breathing out a bored sigh and glancing down at my finished essay in disinterest. Study hour was the worst part of the day, in my opinion.

I tapped out the tune of Fur Elise once more with my fingers against the wooden table, bouncing my leg restlessly. I sighed again and shifted in my seat, starting my tapped out version of Beethoven's famous piece over again.

Snooty Evans glanced up from across the table, her bright green eyes sharp and annoyed and I immediately stilled my fidgeting, looking away from my fellow Gryffindor, feeling my face grow hot with embarrassment. I leaned back against my chair and picked up my quill to twirl it as I stared at my essay in an attempt to reread my work but found that I kept scanning the same line over and over. Ever since the little spat that we had, Evans had been completely ignoring me for the past week which wasn't that different from previous years. I felt somewhat guilty for being so brash towards her even when she was only trying to be 'nice', but why now? After all these years in the same dormitory, why the sudden change of heart?

It was suspicious.

I blinked once, twice, fighting the heavy sleepiness that settled over me from the boredom and restless night's sleep I had. The high chime marking the end of the hour jolted me and I began to gather my things amidst the bustle of the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs doing the same.

"Hey," Evans said from across the table, flipping her long hair over her shoulder. I paused momentarily, surprised that she had decided to speak to me and hesitantly waiting for the tongue lashing she had obviously been preparing this past week. "Can we talk?"

Playing with a corner of spare parchment, I nodded hesitantly.

She cleared her throat, her eyes cool. "You play piano?"

I blinked. I wasn't expecting that.

"I saw you," she lifted her hand and wiggled her fingers to demonstrate she had seen me attempting air piano. I watched her hand, feeling a flush creep up my neck. I tucked my pale hair behind one ear and nodded again. For a moment, I couldn't tell if she was making fun of me. Is this what it's coming to? Humiliating me because I said a few angry words to her?

Suddenly, Evans smiled, dimples appearing on her freckled cheeks. "I used to when I was a kid; my parents started me on lessons when I was five. I miss it sometimes but, well, I was terrible…" she shrugged her shoulders in a nonchalant manner.

I stared at her, surprised at this sudden change.

"Why are you talking to me?" I asked abruptly.

Evans's brow furrowed and she frowned, her cheeks suddenly as red as her hair. When she didn't answer, I gritted my teeth, shoved my books into my shoulder bag and headed out the door and down the corridor.

"Pond, wait!" Evans hurried to catch up to me. She grabbed my arm and I whirled to face her. We moved to the edge of the hall to avoid being pushed around by passing students. Being up close to this girl, I realized that she was nearly a head taller than me. She quickly released me and crossed her arms over her chest in a somewhat defensive stance.

Damn, I wish I had her eyes.

"Look, I don't know why you were such a prat the other night and I know I never really bothered to talk to you because you never seemed like you _wanted_ me to talk to you. Or anyone for that matter. You seem to like being alone and you've never tried to talk to me either." She said with one eyebrow raised. "It couldn't have been easy coming to Hogwarts in the middle of your second year with everyone already in their clichés and I admit I thought you with stuck up because the first time we met you said nothing and walked away. What was I supposed to think?"

I shifted uneasily, unsure of how to reply to that. Yes, I was used to being alone but did I actually like it? I wasn't sure I knew the answer to that. I never knew that I had come across stuck up to other people.

Evans' face softened and she uncrossed her arms and a smile quirked at the corner of her lips. "Honestly, I thought you wanted nothing to do with me but that night in the shower room you seemed so sad and I thought that maybe you're just really shy."

This day was certainly becoming a strange one. Did I have a sign hanging from my back saying 'talk to me, I'm lonely'? I didn't think so but my plan to go about my Hogwart's days in obscurity wasn't turning out the way I wanted. I drew in a deep breath and brushed my bangs back from my eyes.

"Look, Evans, I know I may have seemed stand offish but I'm just…well…not very good in social situations. Just tell me, is there some sort of joke or bet or something."

Evans gave me a funny look. "Look Pond, if you think that I have some sort of ulterior motive by being nice to you, than you're daft and, in my opinion, a little full of yourself. You're not that special. I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out with us sometime—as I've said before, I don't think anyone likes to be alone all the time." Evans sighed and adjusted the books she held. "Look, Pond, when I saw those Slytherins bullying you on the train, I thought that maybe you just needed a friend."

My mind flashed back to the train ride where two 7th year Slytherins followed me down the length of the train as I made my way to a compartment, taunting me with filthy, threatening words. Evans, being a prefect, stepped out of her compartment and took points, threatening detention if they continued to bother me. Sure I was grateful but I thought she had only done that as her duty to the school.

"And you suddenly have a change of heart?" I demanded sourly.

"No!" she exclaimed, flipping her hair over one shoulder, her green eyes showing her frustration. "I mean, yes! I mean—" She sighed in frustration. "It's like what I said earlier, I thought you seemed sad and wanted to help."

"So this is just a charity case for the outcast?" I laughed humorlessly and turned to leave. She grabbed my shoulder , her cheeks flaming red.

"You're taking my words out of context, Pond. Listen, I'm a muggle born and have had my fair share of bullying and back in grade school before Hogwarts the other kids called me 'carrot top'." She rolled her eyes. "I know, creative, weren't they? I had only _one_ friend who wasn't even in school with me and my sister called me a freak all the time. I know how it feels—you think you like the loneliness and that you can get by fine but at the same time you secretly hate it."

I held up my hands to hold off her tirade. "Okay, okay!" I cut her off before her head had a chance to blow off. "I get it. I'll be your friend!"

Evans smiled triumphantly, "And call me Lily."

I hesitated just a beat before answering back with: "Lucy."

She looked a little too smug.

I took in another deep breath before speaking again: "Look, the other night…well…I lost it. Something stupid had just happened and I just…it's weird, you've never bothered to talk to me before." It was a lame apology but I've never been good as this social stuff.

Evans contemplated me for a couple moments, her eyes narrowed. She adjusted her bag and sighed. "Well, I'm sorry I called you a chav even though you deserved it."

Well, okay then.

Evans glanced down at her watch and her eyes widened. "Merlin, we better hurry or we'll be late and wind up with detention. See you at lunch?"

I nodded faintly, still not sure what I was doing to myself. I hurried to Divination and spent the next hour staring at the clock and willing it to slow down, my gut bridled with anxiety over the thought of sitting with a bunch of strangers at lunch where I would usually just grab a sandwich and head up to the common room for a half hour of solitude before the next class.

The moment the bell chimed, I shot up, my bag already packed and I snaked my way through the maze of pillows and haze of purple smoke. I mentally waged war with myself as I headed towards the Great Hall, still not fully decided if I was actually going or not.

"Lucy!"

I froze midstep, my heart dropping to somewhere near my toes. I closed my eyes, drew a deep breath, and kept walking.

"Lucy, wait!" Lupin, with his unnaturally long legs, caught up to me with no problem and grabbed me by the arm with a tight hand. "I just want to talk!"

"Well, maybe I don't want to!" I answered with a scowl.

"Look," he said as students jostled us as they headed to the great hall. "This weekend maybe we could go for a walk around the lake or just hang out in the common room."

I tried to shake him off but he held firm. "Get off!" I hissed. "People are looking at us!"

"So?" Lupin sighed in exasperation, giving me a look of annoyance. "I'm sorry for what I did the other day."

"Yeah, and?"

Lupin opened his mouth to speak then:

"Oi! Moony!"

I jumped and then froze, my heart leaping for my throat. Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew made their way over to us, zeroing in on Remus' hand on my arm.

"Well, well, our own Remus Lupin making the moves on a girl without our knowledge." Black gave a sly grin and nudged his sidekick Potter in the ribs who punched him back in some sort of stupid male ritual.

Remus smiled uncomfortably, his hand momentarily tightening on my arm before he dropped it to his side. "You got me." He gave them a forced smile.

"We're just talking," I squeaked an interjection. All four boys looked at me, their eyes alight with interest.

"Who are you?" Potter asked bluntly. "I don't recall seeing you around here."

"Neither have I and I make it a note to know all the pretty ladies in school." Black added.

I couldn't find it in me to be flattered.

"Guys, this is Lucy Pond. She's in our year though she tends to keep herself out of the way of things." Lupin interjected with a dark look on his face as though he was trying to signal something to his friends but they weren't getting it.

"Are you one of those albinos?" Pettigrew asked, his round face looking at me with a scrutinizing expression. I instantly flushed to the roots of my hair.

"You have no tact, you prick," Black rolled his eyes and pushed the shorter boy aside. "But really, since it's out in the air, are you?"

"Really, Sirius?" Remus spoke up, an annoyed flash crossing his face. "Guys c'mon, I mean, really?"

"No, I'm not albino," I said finally, "Just the aftermath of a spell accident."

"That blows," Potter remarked, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Sure is hot, though," Black continued, a devilish smile alight on his handsome face. His ice blue eyes stared me down like a hawk. "Never seen a girl your age with white hair…though, different can be good."

"No way," Potter glared at the taller boy, his hazel eyes flashing behind his round glasses. "Remus has obviously marked his territory."

"Excuse me?" I asked, mortified.

"Shove it, James!" Lupin said at the same time, his face suddenly flaming red. "I just met her yesterday and she's not a tree waiting for some mutt to piss on her!"

"Hey!" protested Black.

"Why were you holding onto her like that, then?" Potter asked with a grin.

Remus had no answer for that and gave me a grimacing look.

"Look, I have someone waiting for me. I have to go." And without waiting for a reply, I hurried off towards the Great Hall, my stomach churning. I saw Evans waiting for me outside of the Hall. She waved when she spotted me and I trudged dutifully towards her.

"Don't look so excited, Pond," she teased as I came within hearing. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't come."

"Me too," I answered weakly.

The red-head rolled her eyes before eyeing me for a second. "Are you all right? Your face is really red."

"It's a long way from Divination to here. I ran." I lied and Evans dragged me into the dining hall.

The Great Hall was bustling with students in a lunch rush. Lily led me to a spot with McKinnon and Newlyn. I slid in next to Lily who started off right away by saying "Girls, this is Lucy Pond, as I'm sure you know. She's eating with us from now on. Lucy, this is Marlene and Clover. We're all on a first name basis from now on."

Clover had hair the color of milk chocolate and matching eyes hidden behind glasses with light blue frames decorated with tiny, dancing stars on either side. She leaned across the table towards me, grinning.

"So Lucy, I saw Remus Lupin sitting with you at breakfast last week. What's going on there? You know that pursuing a marauder can be dangerous to your health?" she giggled and Marlene nudged her with a roll of her eyes.

I cleared my throat and looked around embarrassedly. "Believe me, there is no pursuing on my part. I guess he didn't want to sit alone or whatever. Anyways, he's probably forgotten me by now. I know I have him." _Liar. _

Clover looked disappointed but Lily and Marlene nodded their approval.

"Good for you," Lily said haughtily, her face sour. "Merlin knows those 'Marauders' are nothing but a bunch of boys with their heads too big for them to handle. Especially _Potter_." She spat out his name like it was acid on her tongue.

Marlene and Clover giggled. "Potter is forever throwing himself at Lily," Clover clarified needlessly. Everyone already knew that but I made no move to correct her.

"Potter is obnoxious, arrogant, and a bully who, once I leave Hogwarts, will only be a blip on my radar."

"Lay it on lightly, Lily," Marlene dead panned, taking a sip of pumpkin juice, before glancing up and nearly choking on her drink. "Speak of the devil."

I froze in my seat with a voice came behind us. "Sweet Lily flower!" sang Potter as he dropped in the seat next to her. "I was hoping I would see you here at Lunch!"

"I'm here every day, Potter," Lily replied snootily, glaring at the taller boy with her sharp eyes.

"Give him a break, Evans," Said another male voice. "We all know that James has terrible short-term memory." And none other than Sirius Black sat down in the empty seat next to me and I stiffened. How do I keep ending up in these situations? Come on, lion, don't disappear on me now.

Black grinned at me when I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, his own dark eyes glinting. "I see you've added a delicate, pale flower to your bouquet, Evans. I don't recall your name…?" he said, trailing a hand down my back. I was mortified! He was acting as though he didn't just meet me out in the corridor!

"Back off, Black," Marlene sneered. "She's Lucy Pond, you idiot, in our year. Maybe if you ripped your eyes from a mirror every now and then, you'd know that."

Black only grinned, not affected whatsoever by her dig at him.

"Brilliant." He stated, taking his hand off my back much to my relief. I was shocked I hadn't spontaneously combusted yet, especially when across the table Pettigrew and Lupin took their seats and I felt goose bumps blossom on my arms. Lupin met my eyes but I looked away quickly, feeling my face burning hotter and hotter.

Black noticed our exchange and smirked but said nothing and I wonder what Lupin said about me to them? Probably making fun of me. I gritted my teeth and stared hard at my plate, trying to make myself as tiny as possible so not to let my thigh touch Black's.

"There's a Hogsmeade trip next weekend," Potter said, oblivious to my inner war. "We were wondering if you ladies would care to join us?"

"Never," Lily answered immediately, flipping her hair over her shoulder and sticking her nose in the air. I breathed a sigh of relief, mentally dispelling the images of spending a horribly awkward day with Lupin by my side.

"Come on Lily-pad!" he whined like a love-sick puppy. "We'll pay for lunch!"

_Disgusting_. I thought

"Why not, Lily?" interjected Clover, making a pouty face. "It'll be fun and we'll all be together so it's not like a date or anything."

"Yes, Newlyn's right," Black said. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to his side. "It'll be a chance for us to get to know the lovely Miss pond."

In a flash of temper, I pushed out of his arms. "I'd rather get to know a slug," I announced in the same air that Lily gave Potter.

All three girls broke out into giggles. "Seems like not every girl will fall for your womanizing ways," Marlene said, cupping her chin in one hand as she laughed.

Black shrugged it off and stood, stretching out his tall frame. "You ladies think about it and we'll see in you class."

"One kiss, Lily?" Potter asked with a charming smile, twirling a strand of Lily's hair with his fingers.

"No," Lily wasn't charmed. She slapped his hand away. "I prefer not to lose the food I just ate." She stood and Marlene and Clover followed suit. I hesitated before standing as well though I hadn't eaten any lunch yet.

Out in the corridor, Lily turned to me. "I'm sorry about that, Lucy. One thing about being friends with me is that you have to deal with Potter and his obnoxious gang. But it was nice sitting with you—I haven't seen a lot of girls stand up to Black like that. He needed to be taken down a peg or two."

I shrugged but inside I felt a squirm of happiness in my belly. I wanted to thank Lily for saying that to me but she had already moved on and was walking down the hall towards Defense class and was asking Marlene about her essay we had to write about producing a corporal _Patronus _charm and it's effects on Dementors.

"I don't know why Professor Hindleman expects us to attempt a charm that is above seventh year level!" she was saying, her hair, like sunbaked Spanish clay, swished with emphasis. "It won't be my fault if I fail the mid-year exams."

I made a face behind her back for it was well known that Lily had never failed any of her classes before. I had to quickly rearrange my face when she looked at me over her shoulder at me.

"What did you think about the essay, Lucy?"

As she said that, I suddenly realized that my shoulder bag felt lighter than it should have been. I paused to pull open the flap and felt around the inside of my bag. With a sinking stomach, I realized I had left my defense book in my dorm with my homework stuffed in the pages.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked.

"I left my essay back in our dorm," I groaned.

"Bugger," Clover remarked in sympathy.

"I'll meet you guys in class," I said as I turned to hurry back to Gryffindor tower.

"Well, hurry up!" Lily called after me.

_Well, duh._ I thought as I pushed through the throng of students, doing my best to not break out into a sprint.

"Oi, Lucy!"

I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling and kept on going, hoping Lupin would think I didn't hear him.

"Hey, Lucy! Wait up!" I started when a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me close to the wall. My heart turned violently in my chest. Why did he keep bothering me?! "Hey, can we talk?" he asked in a low and somewhat breathless voice. He glanced at his friends who were heading towards us, all three deep in conversation.

"Look, Lupin, I don't have time—"

"Remus." He corrected hastily. "Call me Remus. I just want to talk."

I fidgeted with my bag strap and shrugged, looking up at the sixteen year old boy who was a least a foot taller than me. It made me feel tiny and fragile in his shadow and I wasn't sure if I liked it. "About what?" I shot back in a somewhat snarky voice, surprised at my own fire.

"What happened in the Library—I mean…" he quieted when the rest of his group reached us. "You want to sit with us? In class?" he asked, changing subjects, stuffing his hands in his pockets and rocking on the balls of his feet. "I swear Sirius will leave you alone. I already told him to back off a little. You don't really know him but I swear he doesn't really mean anything about it."

Potter and Black were even taller than Lupin and I felt surrounded. I glanced at my wrist watch, noticing I only had eight minutes left until class.

"It's weird that we've never talked before." Potter said, running a hand through his messy black hair. Up close, he was quite handsome. I felt suddenly too warm in my Hogwarts cardigan. "What's your name again?"

"Lucy," Lupin said before I could. "Lucy Pond." I blushed again.

"Cool," Potter said. "Even if the other girls don't come, you wanna tag along to Hogsmeade with us?"

"Maybe," I said, gnawing on my lip, wondering why Lily hated Potter so much. "This isn't some sort of prank, is it?"

All three boys looked at each other before laughing. "Nope," Black answered, causally leaning against the stone wall. "We only prank people who deserve it. You don't deserve it. Yet." He gave me a wicked grin.

"Oh, well, that's good," I said with a hint of sarcasm, tucking loose strands of hair behind my ear and looking away.

They all shrugged and exchanged looks. There was a pause with nothing but the jostling of students passing by and the dull roar of their conversations. I sighed.

"So you want to sit with us?" Lupin asked finally, his amber eyes searching. For what? I wasn't sure.

I suddenly remembered that my books were in my dorm. "Oh, bugger," I looked at my wrist watch again. "Actually, I have to run to the dorm to grab my essay. I'll probably sit in the back to not attract too much attention."

"Oh," Lupin looked disappointed for a moment. "Well, I'll save you a seat, just in case."

"Don't bother." I answered without hesitation, already hurrying away. I realized how rude that must have sounded so I called over my shoulder: "I'm sorry, I have to go!"

"_Ouch." _I heard one of the boys mutter. I could feel Lupin's eyes following me until I was out of site.

As soon as I was alone, I broke into a sprint, ignoring the gasps and the admonishments of the portraits I passed. I shouted the password to the Fat Lady and she swung open with an "I'd say"! I sprinted up the staircase to the girl's dorm and threw my belongings around in a frenzy, looking for my book and essay. I finally found them stuffed under a pile of dirty clothes. How they got there, I had no idea.

I tucked it in my bag, cursing aloud and skidded back down the stairs and out into the corridor, rolling my eyes as the Fat Lady screamed after me about how un-ladylike I was.

"Oh, belt up!" I called back at her breathlessly.

I couldn't boast how in shape I was. I had to stop halfway to defense class and clutch a painful stitch in my side as I tried to catch my breath.

"Holy shit," I gasped to myself as I leaned against the stone wall. "I gotta start running more."

"And what's a little Gryffindor doing near the dungeons all her lonesome self?"

A tall boy, with blonde hair and Slytherin robes approached me from the other end of the hall. I knew him as Lucius Malfoy, a seventh year who was known as a bully, a pure-blood enthusiast, and dark arts supporter. Following closely behind him were three of his 'groupies' . The girl with the wildly curly hair was Bellatrix Black and a relation to Malfoy and Sirius Black, though how, I wasn't sure. The other was the tall boy with limp black hair who sat with me in the library every now and then, and whose name I always forgot. The last was a short, stocky boy who I wasn't too familiar with but who I remember as one of the Slytherin's who teased me on the train.

I straightened up slowly, my eyes darting to each of the older boys, my chest still heaving from exertion. I felt a prickle of fear. Holding tight to my bag, I turned and started to walk away from them, struggling to keep my pace even and calm.

_Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back. Looking back will give them power. Don't look back. Just. Keep. Walking. That's it, Lucy. You're doing good. You're doing good._

Sure I was doing good…that was until I saw two more Slytherins appear from around the corner, effectively blocking my other escape route.

From behind me, a high pitched cackle broke the tense silence.

That prickle of fear was now overwhelming. Acting on instinct, my hand dove inside my robes and I whipped out my wand, my brain frantically trying to pick out an appropriate spell. But what chance did I stand against five Slytherins?

My wand was ripped from my hand before I could utter anything. It clattered to the stone floor and rolled away from me. Laughter rippled through the group surrounding me. Someone grabbed my shoulder strap, effectively pulling me backwards with my bag. I shrieked and wiggled free of the bag and stumbled into a different guy who, laughing, grabbed me by my arms and threw me to the floor. I was so shocked by the entire situation that I didn't catch myself with my hands. My face smacked stone and blood gushed from my nose.

My hand flew to my face and I felt the sticky, warmth of blood run down my wrist and arm.

"Aww, poor, _ikle_ Gryffindor get hurt?" Bellatrix cooed nastily, she reached down and yanked my braid and causing my head and neck to snap back. I cried out, my hands flying for my hair.

"Bella, leave her," Malfoy said suddenly.

Bellatrix immediately released me. "Lucius—"

"Not. Now." He cut her off angrily.

She made a nasty noise then backed away, delivering me a swift kick to my side as she went. My breath left me in a single gush. And then I was alone and I laid there choking and gasping for several endless minutes, clutching my side and wondering how the hell I managed to get into this situation. When I was finally able to breathe, I shakily got to my feet, taking heavy breaths and trying to decide whether or not to burst into tears.

I was embarrassed and bewildered. I couldn't go to class now, with the blood running down my face and neck. I wasn't even sure I even wanted to go up to the Hospital Wing. I had never experienced this type of bullying before and I feared that if I reported it, it would make me more of a target. Was that how it worked?

I held my sleeve to my nose, still fighting the tears and trying to figure out what I should do. After several more minutes of me sniffling and trembling, I decided to slink back up to the common room. It wasn't until I started moving that I noticed that my side burned with a dull ache and I was sure I was bruised.

I managed to make up to Gryffindor Tower without running into anyone. I escaped into the shower room and the candles flared to life upon my entrance. Light gushed around me, blinding me and I had to squint. When my eyes adjusted I turned and nearly screamed in shock until I realized who it was.

She stared straight at me, looking lost and forlorn, small and pale. Her winter gray eyes looked like slush beneath the pool of tears welling in her large eyes. Her lips were turned down and her cheeks were white and streaked. Her pale hair was falling loose from its brain and strands of it were plastered to her wet face while the rest frizzed in disarray. She didn't make an effort to pull them back. From the nose down, her skin was caked with dried and fresh blood.

I hesitantly, slowly reached to touch her sad, frightened face; she mimicked me and I pressed the tips of my fingers against the satin smooth glass of the ornate mirror.

The girl then blinked and a tear caught the candle light as it chased a trail down her cheek and clung to her chin before she drew her hand back to wipe it away, smearing red up her face and on her hand.

I waited for my hammering heart to calm, staring at the girl, at her large eyes, tear-drenched and sleepless red, widened by fear and shock. Her pupils were retracted to pin-points. Her eyes seemed so sad.

Trembling from the aftermath of the adrenaline rush, I sank to my knees, watching as my pitiful reflection sank from view as well.

So much had happened over the course of a few days.

I pressed the palm of my hands to the ceramic tile, feeling the coldness creep up my arms. Goosebumps blossomed along my skin and I shivered, hanging my head so that my wispy hair nearly brushed the floor. I hadn't realized my hair had gotten so long.

I wanted to live my life in anonymity and now everyone was expecting me to be so many different things and I was suddenly overwhelmed. Anxiety was such a strange, overwhelming emotion. Sometimes it comes softly, unexpectedly, like a whisper of wind curling its self through a thick forest-barely noticed. Other times, though, it comes on suddenly, forcefully, grabbing your heart in a fist of iron misery, dragging you down to dark, depression filled depths.

And that was how I felt. Most of the time, I was able to keep everything at bay but when many things happened at once, I started to shatter. It was as though my heavy heart was sinking deeper and deeper-as though each new thing was a brick laid on me...and this whole Slytherin thing was the breaking point, where my knees starts to buckle and the weight starts to crush and I was struggling to keep myself from slipping under.

I scooted myself across the cold floor and leaned against a shower stall wall.

I knew I was over reacting. Shouldn't I be happy that I had people who wanted to be my friend? But if having friends made me more noticeable to people who wanted to hurt me then it wasn't worth it.

And here I thought life was going to get better for me. I scrubbed my eyes of tears and dropped my head against the stall wall.

"Where's my mum?" I called pitifully to anyone who might hear. "I want my mum!"

No one answered. My mum surely didn't. She was dead.

Why I had cried that, I didn't know. It didn't matter how young or old I would get, I would always crave the loving, healing touch that only a mother can give. Or maybe it was just instinct pushing its way out of my confusion and trying to piece together a random solution. Hadn't every little girl grown up _knowing _that her mom could solve anything?

I began to cry, dissolving into a puddle of salty tears. But no one answered my weeping. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried so hard. My tears turned to sobs-gulping, gut-wrenching sobs. I couldn't even sit up anymore...the pressure was just too great. I sank to lay my cheek on the marble, curling up in a fetal position, trying to create a small sanctuary for myself.

I continued to sob but now they were silent sobs-sobs of hopelessness.

* * *

**Hope you liked! Please leave me your thoughts, ideas, and gentle critisms and the next chapter should be up in about a week!**


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